sensitive boys in pink
The pink or the green?
I stand in front of my wardrobe, wondering which shirt should I choose. The green one is new but the pink-coloured shirt hugs my torso in a way that gives me so much more confidence.
"The pink shirt it is."
I grab my keys off the counter before making my way towards the car and starting the engine off. Most people don't like waking up that early for college and to be honest, most days I don't too yet something about the weather today gives off such positive energy that I decide to start the day off with a welcoming smile.
As soon as my friends spot me, they wave.
"Hey Adam, nice shirt!" is the first thing Jordan says when he sees me. They all laugh at his statement except for Jacob.
"What's wrong with my shirt?" I look down expecting to find a stain or something.
"Uh it's pink dude." He replies in an 'isn't that obvious' tone.
I'm about to say something when Sarah beats me to it.
"So? It's a really cool shirt." She argues.
"Exactly! You like it because you're a girl and it's pink." Jordan sounds like he's stating a fact and I hate it.
"I'm gonna be late to class. See you guys later." I make up an excuse to leave their presence.
I'm no longer smiling. In fact, my mood took quite the turn because of Jordan's comment. I wore this shirt since it makes me feel confident but now I can't help but think that everyone is staring at me because I'm wearing pink. I hate that I like this shirt. I hate that I like pink.
"Adam?" Someone calls from behind and I turn around to see Jacob.
"What?" I curtly answer.
"Sarah, Kian and I are going to the movies later today and we were wondering if you'd like to join us." He tilts his head in a questioning manner and I don't find any reason to say no. After all, Jacob is the only one who didn't laugh at Jordan's comment.
"Yeah I'd love to! Just text me the details." I smile.
--
I finish my dinner and after washing my hands I head to the bedroom so I can change my clothes. I take off my pink shirt and replace it with a black striped one before taking a final look in the mirror. My hair is in the famous messy-but-actually-stayed-10-mins-combing-it state which looks perfect to me. I snatch the most masculine perfume I own and sprayed some on myself before finally going out.
We all take our seats at the theatre. I'm seated in between Kian and Sarah which makes me more anxious than I already am since we're about to watch A Star Is Born. I know myself quite well and if anything bad happens in this movie I might get emotional; my goal for this night is to be and look manly enough.
"Oh my god please don't-" Sarah gasps in a quivering voice just when Bradley Cooper hangs himself and I start to silently cry. I hope the lights don't come on anytime soon, but unfortunately they do.
"Adam are you crying?" Kian spells the last word in a way way that makes it sound like I just committed a crime.
"He just died." I try to justify my actions.
"I'm not crying neither is Jacob but you know who is? Sarah." He shakes his head and lets out a chuckle.
"Quit being an asshole Kian." Sarah glares.
"You know what? I'm leaving." I stand up and out of the aisle "When you decide to not be a sexist horrible friend, call me."
"Just man up dude." I hear him muttering as I make my way out angrily.
I get inside my car and slam the door shut when Jacob knocks lightly on my rolled up window. I roll it down and look at him.
"You have to excuse both Kian and Jordan." He says.
"Excuse them? This is not the first or the second time someone makes fun of me because of my taste in clothes or because of how sensitive I am." I shout
"I know and I'm sorry but look, this is you and you can't change who you are. You are sensitive. You like pink. So what? That doesn't make you any less of a man. However, they're uneducated and insecure." Jacob shrugs.
"How the fuck are they insecure?" I raise my eyebrows.
"They hate that they don't feel as comfortable with who they are as you. They've been taught since a very young age that being a man means to always be tough and only like certain things but that's not how to be a man. That's how to be a robot." He explains.
"Men are humans too Jacob. I hate that just because I'm a male I can't show my emotions around people." I sigh.
"Adam." He rests his hand on the door "When anyone comments about anything just laugh and say that you like that thing about yourself."
"Yeah let's hope I mean it."
"Walk through this life with the attitude of only being yourself and not giving a fuck about anything else. It'll come a time when people like Jordan and Kian will learn that being sexist is not cool but until then, love yourself."
"That really means a lot." I nod with a smile.
"Goodnight Adam." Jacob waves before he goes back inside.
I start driving off into the cold night while my brain is repeating the conversation I just had a few minutes ago.
"Love yourself." I say quietly to myself.
It's going to take me a long time, but it's worth it. Until then, I can't wait to wear my pink shirt tomorrow.