dear diary, love delilah.
"HEY! HAVE YOU SEEN LAYLA?" I shout to Jack as the music around us keeps getting louder and louder by the minute.
"NO!" He shouts back before going back into dancing with drunk random strangers in this pool of people.
Why did I agree into coming to this again? Oh right because I'm that guy. The guy who the whole school loves. The charming guy. The smart guy. Might be the bad boy in some of the stories, but really he is a ball of fluff on the inside. He's me. I'm him.
I squeeze myself in between two girls to pass through and I finally reach Jack's couch where all my group of friends are sitting, talking and drinking.
"You know this is illegal right?" I raise my eyebrows as I throw down a shot of vodka down my throat.
"Our sarcastic friend has arrived everybody." Kim rolls her eyes so I shoot her a smile.
"Where's your girlfriend?" Daniel asks me and I shrug.
"I've been looking for her everywhere i don't know." I feel like a terrible boyfriend right now.
"Oh I know! She has been in the bathroom for the past thirty minutes or so."
"What? Why? Is she okay?"
"She told me to leave her alone."
"Thank you Kimberly." I press my hands together like the praying emoji and turn towards the stairs.
Am I a bad boyfriend for leaving Layla with her friends for the past hour to hang out with my friends? Probably yes.
I head to the bathroom and knock on the door a couple of times but received no answer back. Maybe she drank too much? I'm beginning to really worry. I tried to open it but the door is locked, so I did what I had to do and I'd like to thank the many hours I spent at the gym. Gym, without you I wasn't going to be able to knock this door out.
I regret it.
"La La- Layla?"
The shirtless blonde girl sitting on some guy's lap turns her head to look at me and yup that's her, that's my girlfriend everyone.
She immediately gets off his lap.
"I'm- I'm so sorry Stefan." She starts to cry. Why the fuck is she crying? "Stefan I'm so sorry!"
I take a few steps backwards and down the stairs, hearing her shout out my name from behind.
Why is she crying? Why am I not crying?
"Hey! Did you find her?" Kim stops me by the front door.
"She's crying." I sound like a monotone.
"What? Why?"
"Because she's cheating on me." Kim knits her eyebrows in confusion so I just leave her there so I could go out and take a deep breath of the fresh air.
Everything around me is moving in slow motion. I'm moving in slow motion.
I find my car and stumble inside. I don't wait or take a dramatic moment to punch the steering wheel; I just drive. I drive off to god knows where. The dorms are five minutes away yet I'm going in the other direction. My car is on full speed and the windows are down. My hair is getting messier than usual as the wind blows it away from my face.
"I'm being reckless." I mumble to myself when my foot keeps pressing hard on the pedal. However, I abruptly stop the car since my eyes catch the sight of an edge of a hill. I'm on a hill. I'm on a fucking hill, somehow.
I open the door and step outside looking in front of me to find the city lights far away. They look so far away, so tiny. So of importance. Is this how our lives look to people from far away? Insignificant? It looks like a mess, the city. Or life; it doesn't matter at this point. It's a bright beautiful mess.
"I'm a bright beautiful mess!" I laugh hysterically. I'm going crazy.
I sprint around the grass. I keep sprinting so fast until I'm out of breath and then I drop down on the ground. I'm laying down staring at the night-sky, and then it hits me.
"Why am I not crying?" I ask myself "Why can she cry but I can't?"
Am I really the bad-boy everyone says I'm? Why can't I show my feelings? I want to cry.
"I want to cry!" I scream into the void.
If I don't cry my heart will keep squeezing tighter and tighter by the second. I'm not crying, but I can feel the scorching heat inside of me. I'm heartbroken. I'm angry. I have to cry or my pain will only spread from the inside, and that's worse.
"Cry you motherfucker!" The force of impact of my left hand slapping my cheek rolled me down the hill. I can't complain though, I'm stupid. Who the fuck lays down on the edge of the hill?
I've been rolling down for ages and I'm pretty sure my forehead's bleeding. Finally, I stopped rolling. I stand up and thank god I'm on a steady surface. My body is fucking damaged. I feel terrible.
I sit down in my place, rubbing my forehead with my palm so the headache can go away. Then, I see it. Your typical brown leather diary with a rock on top of it. I take off the rock and throw it away to find a name carved into the leather.
Delilah.
I open the first page.
August 5, 2019.
dear diary,
That's right. I decided to buy a diary so I can keep score of all the interesting events that are about to take place in my life the next month. How do I know what's gonna happen? Well, that's because for the first time ever I'm going to be the author of my own story. 'Destiny' or 'Fate' or whatever can take a seat on the bench because I can handle my life from now on. I'll be in control of every decision, every choice and every mistake I'll make for the next month. Why only the next month you may ask? I can't tell you just yet, you have to endure patiently with me till the very last diary entry and then you'll know what happens next. So, buckle up. This is going to be one hell of a ride.
love, delilah.
"NO!" He shouts back before going back into dancing with drunk random strangers in this pool of people.
Why did I agree into coming to this again? Oh right because I'm that guy. The guy who the whole school loves. The charming guy. The smart guy. Might be the bad boy in some of the stories, but really he is a ball of fluff on the inside. He's me. I'm him.
I squeeze myself in between two girls to pass through and I finally reach Jack's couch where all my group of friends are sitting, talking and drinking.
"You know this is illegal right?" I raise my eyebrows as I throw down a shot of vodka down my throat.
"Our sarcastic friend has arrived everybody." Kim rolls her eyes so I shoot her a smile.
"Where's your girlfriend?" Daniel asks me and I shrug.
"I've been looking for her everywhere i don't know." I feel like a terrible boyfriend right now.
"Oh I know! She has been in the bathroom for the past thirty minutes or so."
"What? Why? Is she okay?"
"She told me to leave her alone."
"Thank you Kimberly." I press my hands together like the praying emoji and turn towards the stairs.
Am I a bad boyfriend for leaving Layla with her friends for the past hour to hang out with my friends? Probably yes.
I head to the bathroom and knock on the door a couple of times but received no answer back. Maybe she drank too much? I'm beginning to really worry. I tried to open it but the door is locked, so I did what I had to do and I'd like to thank the many hours I spent at the gym. Gym, without you I wasn't going to be able to knock this door out.
I regret it.
"La La- Layla?"
The shirtless blonde girl sitting on some guy's lap turns her head to look at me and yup that's her, that's my girlfriend everyone.
She immediately gets off his lap.
"I'm- I'm so sorry Stefan." She starts to cry. Why the fuck is she crying? "Stefan I'm so sorry!"
I take a few steps backwards and down the stairs, hearing her shout out my name from behind.
Why is she crying? Why am I not crying?
"Hey! Did you find her?" Kim stops me by the front door.
"She's crying." I sound like a monotone.
"What? Why?"
"Because she's cheating on me." Kim knits her eyebrows in confusion so I just leave her there so I could go out and take a deep breath of the fresh air.
Everything around me is moving in slow motion. I'm moving in slow motion.
I find my car and stumble inside. I don't wait or take a dramatic moment to punch the steering wheel; I just drive. I drive off to god knows where. The dorms are five minutes away yet I'm going in the other direction. My car is on full speed and the windows are down. My hair is getting messier than usual as the wind blows it away from my face.
"I'm being reckless." I mumble to myself when my foot keeps pressing hard on the pedal. However, I abruptly stop the car since my eyes catch the sight of an edge of a hill. I'm on a hill. I'm on a fucking hill, somehow.
I open the door and step outside looking in front of me to find the city lights far away. They look so far away, so tiny. So of importance. Is this how our lives look to people from far away? Insignificant? It looks like a mess, the city. Or life; it doesn't matter at this point. It's a bright beautiful mess.
"I'm a bright beautiful mess!" I laugh hysterically. I'm going crazy.
I sprint around the grass. I keep sprinting so fast until I'm out of breath and then I drop down on the ground. I'm laying down staring at the night-sky, and then it hits me.
"Why am I not crying?" I ask myself "Why can she cry but I can't?"
Am I really the bad-boy everyone says I'm? Why can't I show my feelings? I want to cry.
"I want to cry!" I scream into the void.
If I don't cry my heart will keep squeezing tighter and tighter by the second. I'm not crying, but I can feel the scorching heat inside of me. I'm heartbroken. I'm angry. I have to cry or my pain will only spread from the inside, and that's worse.
"Cry you motherfucker!" The force of impact of my left hand slapping my cheek rolled me down the hill. I can't complain though, I'm stupid. Who the fuck lays down on the edge of the hill?
I've been rolling down for ages and I'm pretty sure my forehead's bleeding. Finally, I stopped rolling. I stand up and thank god I'm on a steady surface. My body is fucking damaged. I feel terrible.
I sit down in my place, rubbing my forehead with my palm so the headache can go away. Then, I see it. Your typical brown leather diary with a rock on top of it. I take off the rock and throw it away to find a name carved into the leather.
Delilah.
I open the first page.
August 5, 2019.
dear diary,
That's right. I decided to buy a diary so I can keep score of all the interesting events that are about to take place in my life the next month. How do I know what's gonna happen? Well, that's because for the first time ever I'm going to be the author of my own story. 'Destiny' or 'Fate' or whatever can take a seat on the bench because I can handle my life from now on. I'll be in control of every decision, every choice and every mistake I'll make for the next month. Why only the next month you may ask? I can't tell you just yet, you have to endure patiently with me till the very last diary entry and then you'll know what happens next. So, buckle up. This is going to be one hell of a ride.
love, delilah.
