There's No More Use in Running.

I walk through the darkest of nights for a little peace of mind, for gentle wind to blow by my hair as I'm left alone with my chaotic mind, the loud voices in my head that don't quiet down, begging for attention that I'm suffering to provide. Every night the heaviness on my chest increases and the toxicity in the air goes up, and I find it hard to breath yet I have no time to invest in my thoughts as I know the sadness they come carrying. Every day as I'm out in the sun, checking off things from my to-do list, I'm constantly reminded of the unprocessed thoughts in my head that are waiting for me to sit down and figure them out, but I will never write down such things, because I know I'll never check them off. I will never write down a goal I know I can never fulfill, I can never ask my self to figure out how to stop the pain, and I can never hope for my wonders to just go away. I can't pressure myself into answering questions I have no data about to help me answer them, and I simply have no energy to go out and seek them. I have tried to silence all the madness happening inside yet they just keep getting louder and I feel like I'm going to burst, and tonight, walking out in the darkness hoping gentle air brushes through my hair, I know that I'm only going to be met by violent thrusts of wind that will slow down my footsteps and toss me around like a fragile rose, and break me down like a little kid steps on crunchy leaves during autumn. But for now, I am out, and I will face my monsters, I will allow myself to be alone with my mind and befriend it, understand my own feelings. I don't think I'll have all the answers, but it's a start, right? Maybe tonight will be the beginning of many nights I spend with myself, understanding my emotions, and not running away from unanswered questions, but embracing the unknown and looking forward to finding out...