Wonder

"You think too much", they said.

That didn’t stop me from wondering, how will I look like at 40? How will the world be?

What does flying feel like? What would bouillabaisse under the stars with you taste like?

Every time I dug deep into my questionable thoughts I found satisfaction. However, my questions were never really answered and my thoughts were never really explained.

That is when I found out that wondering is my life’s savior, it washes away all the dust off my boring little self.

So here I am, under a tree, gazing at the stars, fascinated  about the idea of me not belonging in this decade.

The idea hit me like a tornado, what if I don’t? I googled it, which was really dense of me because certainly no one would think that they were born in the wrong time, and if they did, I'm pretty sure they wouldn’t share these thoughts on the internet.

I was oddly upset, I kept looking for a star, a certain star to connect with. I found this one star, that enigmatic star. It was massive and bright. I decided to name her Aubrey.

So hey, Aubrey, how is the universe today?

As I’ve fallen into a deep conversation about destiny with my new friend, I lost track of time. It was almost like the world blurred as the conversation became more exciting. 

Sounds were slowly fading away, all I heard was my chaos.

The next day I decided to figure it out on my own, so I wrote down:

The nineties, plaid shirts, charlestons and the sweet fragrance of Elizabeth Arden’s Sunflowers.

The eighties, bold style, obviously. Biker jackets, Michael Jackson and mixtapes. 

The seventies, long hot summers, swap shop and sweets costing a penny. 

I believe that I belong there, or in the future. It’s just this current time, it doesn’t fit me.

All I hear here is echoes, what if that was because I’m not in the right place? Time?

I went for a walk the other day, perhaps I’d find an answer by wondering again, not like I ever found one.

I saw an adorable duck near the river, I followed it.

I fed it and sat on the bench next to the lake. 

What will we name you, duck? You look like a daisy, a quacking daisy.

“So, Daisy, how has your ducky life been lately?”

I went to see Daisy’s friends in the lake. As I was talking to them, I saw my reflection in the lake.

I saw myself, the puffy clouds above me, the blue sky, the people around me and I actually felt.. home.

I don’t think I belong anywhere other than here. Today.

A year of me living my life to the fullest passed. I didn’t stop wondering, I actually wondered more about how astonishing my thoughts and emotions can be.

I met Aubrey again. I told her how this time it was different. That I found my answer and that I remember  her talking to me that night where I wondered my destiny.

“It’s okay to think you’re in the wrong place sometimes, eventually, something will come up and remind you of how perfectly you’re placed” Aubrey said.

I don’t regret my thoughts, I enjoy my journey. 

All my thoughts are either stars or clouds, they’re high. And if in any way they were stopped, they would crumble and fall like fireworks into the ground. Which is impossible.