Navigating Family Dynamics: 10 Strategies!

    

    What does a healthy family dynamic look like? How do you get there? And what tools do you need to master to achieve your goal of establishing healthy family dynamics? Questions that seem to abundantly appear on family blogs and podcasts, yet most of us may be unfamiliar with the exact tools needed. Below is a list of 10 strategies that may help you on your journey towards creating healthy, fulfilling family dynamics.

1. Communicate openly: Ever hesitated to tell your mother about that one thing that happened at work the other day? This hesitation is probably a culmination of feelings of lack of safe, open communication. Breaking the cycle in this regard means fostering an environment of open communication where honesty is valued and appreciated all the time, even when it’s uncomfortable. All family members should be encouraged to express their thoughts and feelings, no matter what, without feeling judged.
2. Communicate calmly and constructively: Avoid getting into shouting matches when emotions run high. Take a moment to ground yourself and breathe before you respond; you are always one breath away from saying the wrong thing. Your tone and demeanor immensely contribute to the escalation or de-escalation of any conflict, so be mindful of how you express disagreement. More importantly, you must always stay on topic. People tend to bring up all past grievances when discussing a present conflict; avoid doing that to prevent an even bigger argument.
3.  Set weekly family meetings: Organize regular meetings to establish an opportunity to discuss and share pending problems, successes, and updates. Not only will this encourage active listening, but it will also foster a culture of attunement. Being present and understanding the happenings of each and every family member is a natural and necessary byproduct of family meetings, leading to more effective connection and support amongst family members.
4. Seek professional help: In the same manner that physical ailments require professional intervention, challenging family dynamics also require professional intervention. Family therapy can provide techniques of guidance that you can use to start creating healthy family dynamics. This can be learning what triggers a conflict and how to properly deal and resolve it.
5. Understand the value of compromise: Any healthy relationship is built on 3 things; mutual respect, inside jokes, and compromise. How often you compromise should be a tell tale sign of how much weight you’re lifting in any relationship. Are you compromising all the time? You’re doing a lot of heavy lifting. Are you not compromising at all? You’re not helping. We all want to have things our way, but we also exist in each others’ worlds, necessitating, always, a level of compromise. Compromise can mean agreeing to disagree, it can mean helping out with that one task at home even though you’re busy, or grabbing some eggs from the supermarket on your way home after a long day at work. If you do your part, others will do theirs.
6. Stop setting rigid boundaries: An issue that often rises in tandem with lack of compromise in family dynamics is rigid boundaries. Relationships aren’t linear. They change with time, circumstances, and contexts. They develop and grow or deteriorate and collapse. While setting firm boundaries is important, a recent growing tendency has appeared where people treat said boundaries as immovable barriers rather than malleable guidelines. Healthy boundaries should help you navigate your relationship with your family members and setting healthy boundaries lies in the ability to oscillate between standing firm and adapting to a current situation.
7. Learn how to apologize: Let’s be very honest here, we all hate apologizing. Saying ‘sorry’ is an admission of fault; an uncomfortable but necessary skill to master. Taking responsibility for one's role in a family conflict is key and owning your part fosters a dynamic that values accountability. Another key point is knowing how to apologize. A huge transgression requires an adequate apology where you apologize, acknowledge the transgression, set an action plan, and act on said plan the next time a similar situation arises. Apologies mean nothing if you keep making the same mistakes over and over.
8. Respect individuality: Family relationships thrive when individuality is honored and acknowledged. Each family member has their own experiences, values, and perspectives that ultimately shape them into the unique person that they are; respecting individuality means giving each and every family member a space to thrive and grow into the person they’d like to be. It also means abandoning uniformity and rigidity, accepting that your parents may have different beliefs and that your siblings may not always agree with you.
9. Stop trying to force closeness: In the same manner that you’re not equally close to all of your friends, you are also not equally close with all of your family members, and that’s okay. Do not expect all your family members to behave in ways that you desire. Instead of trying to force a certain dynamic, meet people where they are and cross bridges only when they’re ready to be crossed. A distant sibling may express love in a manner you’re unfamiliar with. A grandfather’s constant worry may similarly show care. Love doesn’t look the same with everyone, so learn to appreciate it in whatever form it comes in.
10. Accepting imperfect family dynamics: There is no easy way to say this but conflict is inevitable. You will make mistakes, huge ones, and you’ll have to apologize. Other times, you won’t apologize and maybe you won’t even care. No matter what you do, family relationships will never be perfect and that’s okay. What matters, ultimately, is learning how to navigate these imperfections with an open mind, a kind heart, and the grace of a thousand mothers.