relationships.

I’ve been talking about romantic relationships with different people for the past two weeks, and I’ve noticed that whenever it came to voicing their opinions about relationships they almost always had one influenced by their past relationships, and how good or toxic they were to them. 

Some people deemed relationships to be the worst form of “love,” they thought of relationships as a medium for abusers to practice their power on their partner, they viewed relationships as a medium for possessive and obsessive love where one tries to get into the head of the other and control them.  

Others believed that relationships can only be positive, they thought it was something that everyone wants, even if they’ve gone through some toxic relationships, they still wanted to neglect the negative experiences and only shed light on the positive ones. 

Personally, before these past two weeks, I did not know where I stand on the whole ordeal with relationships. Are they a good thing? Are they really as bad as some say they are? Does the vast majority really want to be in a relationship? I didn’t know. I never really thought about it. I thought relationships weren’t something people ran after nor ran from, I thought they “just happened,” unplanned for nor sought after. 

But after those two weeks, I have finally come to a conclusion; relationships are nothing but labels. 

The only reason those who have gone through toxic relationships hate them is that their abusers had  taught them that relationships = possession. The whole “my girlfriend” and “my boyfriend” culture turned a human being from a person to an object that can be owned. Unlike friendship where one can be the friend of different people, relationship put you in a position where you can be the partner of only one person and thus why they think they own you. 

On the other hand, sometimes the love or liking is real and pure. Sometimes both people love or like one another unconditionally and that’s why they have good experiences with relationships and put them on such a high pedestal. Even if the attraction isn’t that pure and real, even if it’s mere infatuation, if there’s common respect to each other and their boundaries shared between them, the relationship would still be considered something fun and something to want, not fear. 

But, at the end of the day, relationships are nothing more than momentary labels until the couple either breaks up or gets married, and even marriage can end with a divorce sometimes; nothing’s definite. So why do people get into relationships? Why tie yourself to only one person when you can explore all your options? 

Relationships are just an excuse to keep the person you like around until you’re ready to commit and settle down with them. Some say it’s a phase of learning, learning how to be with the other person before getting into anything as serious as marriage with them, but you don’t really need to date someone in order to do that. You can get to know someone and explore the option of being romantically involved with them without being tied to them with a relationship, and when you feel like you know them enough and that you love them and aren’t just infatuated with them you can commit to them and propose. 

All in all, relationships aren’t necessarily something bad nor good, they’re just uncalled for. You get into a relationship because you want one not because you need one, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that because, at the end of the day, we don’t really need our partners even if they’re “the one,” we can live without them, but we want them and that’s why we chase them. However, that doesn’t mean that love is for everyone, and relationships definitely aren’t for everyone either.