are you dating right?

I’ve been reading a book called “How To Date Men When You Hate Men” by Blythe Roberson lately and this book has shed light on so many misconceptions we have and has become a journey of enlightenment to me, personally. And though I definitely do recommend reading the book itself, I’m going to share with you all some of the lessons this book has taught me. 

1.     Don’t Text Too Much 

You might not think much of texting, texting is a great way to get to know someone, sure, but at the same time, it leaves so much for your imagination to come up with. Although it’s an opportunity to ask a lot of questions you might not be comfortable asking face-to-face, and though it gives you enough time to think through and carve the perfect reply to seem enough sexy, mysterious yet honest with the person you’re flirting with, h o w e v e r, what do you really know about them? For all you know, they might be making up their replies, heck, they might even be lying. And while, here you are, spending lots and lots of time to portray the perfect version of you, they’re out here copying and pasting the perfect replies off of WikiHow To Flirt 101. Even if they’re not doing that, even if they’re honest and genuine, there’s still the fact that all facial expressions, body language, the way they voice their replies, everything visual and audible, is 100% made up by your imagination. You have no idea how many online friends I’ve texted for years and then saw a vid of them on Snapchat and felt like the whole personality I’ve had of them was completely offkey! And it’s the same with the guy/gal you’re flirting with! Even if you see them every day, if you text them much more than you talk to them irl, you’ll be completely thrown off every time you talk to them because it’s different from the personality you made up for them in your mind. 

2.    Don't Fall For Those Who Like You 

The book did say that liking someone who likes you is a good way to play it safe and escape rejection but, that only works after you’ve already established that you like the person. Meaning; say you have a crush on 5 different people, you think they’re all smart/cute/funny/whatever you look for in a s/o, so which of them do you pursue? The one with the highest chance of actually liking you back! That doesn’t mean that pursuing someone whom you're not sure likes you back or not is wrong, but if it’s a simple crush, it’s better not to get your heart broken over someone that was actually never really of that importance, ygm? Either way, you might never truly know if the person you crush on crushes on you back, but the person who shows the most interest is most probs the person you’d wanna get closer to because, even if having a relationship with them doesn't work, you can still be friends with them because they are, indeed, interested in you in a way or another, and the more people you know the more connections you make and, who knows, maybe you’ll both make great business connections to one another at one point or another in life? Always think two steps ahead ladies and gents, what hurts/disappoints/saddens you now won’t necessarily have any effect a couple of years from now. 

3.     Date Who You Wanna Be

Lastly, this is one made SO MUCH sense to me. My ideal type has never been definite, always varying across the spectrum, just like who I aspire to be or believe myself to be. My ideal type, in a sense, has always been a male version of who I am or want to be. I’ve always known this but never really applied it irl. (Though I did notice that my celeb and online crushs either remind me of myself or who I aspire to be which is ironic because I only fall for dudes that I should fall for that are unattainable then fall for dudes that I shouldn’t really fall for that are attainable and end up in dilemmas like why are you doing this ?? smdh) anyhow..... back to topic; why fall for who you wanna be? It didn’t make much sense to me at first either but, think of it this way; shouldn’t your partner inspire you to be a better version of yourself? Shouldn’t the person that you’ll spend the most time with be someone of positive impact on you? Obviously, that doesn’t mean that you should date someone you’re envious of because, then, you might end up harming them. And then again, let’s not forget that dating is different from being in a committed relationship with someone, dating is more like gaining experience and going thro people to learn until you find yourself committing to one of them. So, what better way to learn if not from the person who represents the future you that you wanna be? Makes sense, right?

Anyway, I’ve yet to finish reading the book, so this is in no way a summary of the book, let alone of what I’ve read so far even. Best believe me, this book is a good read for both genders tbvh so yeah, go ahead and give it a read. This is what I understood from some parts of the book, that doesn’t mean that this is exactly what the book said since writing is a form of art and art is in the eye of the beholder (you’ll understand more about that in the book too.) The book’s hella fun, educational and realistic so yeah, you’ll most def enjoy it!

press here to buy the book from amazon.com!