“daydreaming”

A sudden shift in emotions can bring a greater change into one’s feelings. A different mindset for a day can cause some excitement to the way day goes, a little role-play where one’s self is someone else. A time when yourself is welcomed into another one’s life for a change, even if this person is entirely fictional and only visible in your own imagination. Turns out, that’s what I was seeking as a refugee from my reality. As much as I am thankful for the future, I tend to miss this part of me, the different side, confident and bold, free and light. New people and a new life. This aspect of me had faced new hardships yet I feel the strength of its aura and how much it can empower the current me.

I can’t resist the urge of belonging to this part of me, I feel anger when that happens and guiltiness that I allowed myself to be intrigued by a life that is built in the back of my head. That is left as a connection between my past and I as a way to seek revenge and power at times. This connection seems to have fragments of the past in it, especially the people whom I very much prefer to see suffer at times. How their pain seems to bring peace and calmness to my own soul, and how being the bad guy seems to be the most suitable role to play and only then it will be reliable to blame me. This part of me that is hidden and visited every once in a while could be the spark that lights up in the darkness.

- habibahassan19.