A text I will never send

" Everything felt so right when you were around, and for once it felt like everything was falling into place; I knew myself more when I saw me through your eyes, how could that possibly go wrong? For sometime I forgot-or pretended I didn't see it- that maybe I was right, and maybe this won't end so happily after all, but every time I thought of that I just brushed it off claiming that I complicate things too much. A huge part of me was ready for the fall out, yet another part was only left hoping it would end differently, but here I am typing yet another text I know that I will never send. I don't hate you, not even a tiny bit; sometimes it felt like if I hated you I would have hated myself too, and that if I tried to take "revenge" on you I would only be torturing myself. I like to believe that I loved you enough to let you go;I believed you deserved a happy ending, and I knew for a fact I wasn't one. I never cared to think of how you see me now;truth is I might care a little bit, but I am human, I am scared. I am completely and utterly scared of what you might have to say and I am even more scared of having to answer all your "whys". I am not perfect never was, and will never be, but maybe when I was with you I was a little closer to perfect than I will ever be.A part of me loved the idea of being so in love with someone that it was all a blur. A blurry scene that passed quickly, yet I never stopped writing about."