Relapse

I witnessed my own rebirth and guaranteed not to come back here again.
See I thought who is enough of a fool to relapse, but here I am.
Falling back into my own trap of joylessness and agony.
Motionless with my hand-tied down and no intention for me to try and free myself.
Here I am my heart shaking with guilt and fear again.
For some time I forgot what this feels like.
I lay there feeling my teary eyes swell and my nose bleed.
I pause between sobs just to wonder how I fell back here.
Why am I curled up crying again?
Why am I questioning my worth again?
Why am I self-loathing again?
I knew this will reappear and hunt me sometimes, they said it will but I didn't believe them.
"Just breath this is a one-time thing, "I whispered to myself.
relapses happen just to teach me that I am meant to fall, but I need to get back up and forgive myself.
See I am going to cry my heart out tonight.
See I am going to have that cigarette that tends to ease the pain away.
I am going to wake up and this nightmare will be over.
I am going to wake up and start again tomorrow, but for tonight I will let myself slip because it is alright to fall every once in a while.