eye contact and smiles.

I look down, placing my hands in front of me in the air. They are shaking. Why are they shaking? I have no idea. I have to excuse myself, which made all my friends give each other strange stares. They got used to it by now, and so did I.

I quietly walked to the garage, with my head held low until I reached my car and got in. I'm trying to steady my hand just a certain amount where I can properly move the steering wheel around. My phone is ringing and my mind immediately goes to that place. The dark wandering thoughts.

What if I answered it and was too distracted to see the truck coming from the side? What if I didn't dodge the truck? What if the airbag didn't work? What if I banged my head hard on the steering wheel? What if my car got flipped on its back? Then what?

I was cut off by the sound of my phone still ringing, so I connected it to the car bluetooth.

"Hey, Angelo." I sigh.

"You. Me. The new coffee shop. Studying." He says excitedly.

"Okay." 

"Okay?" Angelo questions, "Are you alright?"

"Uh yeah I'm fine. I'll see you there." 

"At 6?"

"6 sounds great." I reply before hanging up.

I take a deep breath, hoping my mind settles down before I meet up with Angelo. All the way home, I keep overthinking about sending Angelo a message to cancel. I just want to stay home, but I won't. I need to get out or I'll just be left alone once again to all my overthinking.

I look at my reflection in the mirror and grunt. My oversized hoodie, leggings and messy hair disgust me. I glance over at my closet but couldn't find the strength to change into something else, so I just throw on a coat. Snatching off a hairband off the counter, I tie my hair into a low ponytail just to keep it out of my face. 

My hands are still shaking.

"Ughhh!" I groan, plopping down on my bed with my face buried in my hands. I look over at the clock plastered on the wall to find it 5:45. I'm already going to be late.

I pick up the phone from beside me and dial Angelo's number.

"Don't dare cancel on me Madelaine." was the first thing he said.

"Well-"

"No wells. What happened?" He's worried.

I look down at my trembling hands, "Can you pick me up?"

"Sure Mads, I'll be there in five."

I ended the call and walked over to the kitchen, pouring me a glass of orange juice.

Oof. Sour.

I hear a car beep from outside, so I grab my laptop and go outside.

Once I put my seat belt on, I turn to the side to find my friend staring at me with a smile.

"Angelo." I nod, smiling back.

"I'll give you the privilege to choose the songs." He says, handing me his phone and the aux cord.

"Oh how generous." I roll my eyes with a smile.

I click on Thru These Tears by LANY and Angelo immediately gives me the 'really?' look but sings along anyway. I look over the window at the sun as its setting, glancing over at my friend carelessly singing to whatever is playing and every time, he catches my eye with a smile. 

We finally arrive to The New Coffe shop, literally. Whoever named it was definitely drunk. Angelo orders a vanilla latte almond milk for me and an iced shaken espresso for himself. I thank him when he hands me my drink and silently open my laptop to start studying. Everytime I look up, Angelo looks up to and smiles. I always can't help but smile back. 

We've only been quietly studying for an hour when he shuts down his laptop and speaks up.

"So? How's your little crush on Mr big hair going?" He places his chin in his palms.

"The usual." I shrug, "We only talk once in a while."

"Ask him out!"

"What? No! We've only been talking for what? A month? And besides, I think he really likes the curly haired girl who's always with him." I sigh.

"You'll never know until you shoot your shot." Angelo slyly smiles and I shake my head.

I open my notebook, to make write down reminders for the week and once again, I look up to find my weird friend smiling at me and I automatically smile back. I get this heartwarming feeling in my chest.

"Why do you keep doing that?" I ask him.

"Do what?" He tilts his head to the side.

"Silently make eye contact and smile without a word."

"Oh. That." Angelo chuckles, "Well, I know you're not fine and I also know you don't have the energy to talk about it. So, I'm respecting that but the only way to let you know that I'm here and I care is by smiling."

"Angelo!" I swat his arm away, "Don't make me soft now!"

"You can't help but smile back can you?" He wiggles his eyebrows.

"It's a natural reaction my man." I smile.

"And it feels damn good too." Angelo scrunches up his nose with a wide grin that makes his eyes squint.

I don't notice it until I look down. My hands are steady now. My breathing is calm too. 

"Who knew an eye contact followed by a silent smile can do all this huh?" 

"Try using it on Mr big hair. Guaranteed will work." Angelo winks and I laugh.

I close my notebook and put it aside, holding my latte and drinking slowly while staring at my friend with a smile.

"Madelaine, what the fuck are you doing?" He laughs.

"Smiling at you."