Heart in Hands

In another world of creation, i wonder how would it feel like to have your heart in fist. How would it feel like to control what your heart pumps for, what thrills it, what keeps it going, and what tears it out into smashed bits. How ironically soothing will that be? I wonder if this would make things feel better, if this will make everything feel alright just the way it should be. If controlling my heart from not getting butterflies every time your name crosses by or every time one of our inside jokes is mentioned will ever fill the gap inside my heart or when every time i get by something that reminds me of you; i'm in control not to remember every detail about you. If it would really heal not getting flashbacks from the sweetest memories we shared together or not feeling nostalgic passing by the first handwritten letter you wrote me and the first picture on our first date. If i could stop longing to days you may not even remember, or to your scent flying around in our very favorite place. And Whether dominating my jealousy when you get to someone close is what i wanna do. 

But what i wonder about the most is that if i got the chance to cog my heart, wipe the trace of any ashes left of you; will i work that out for the sake of protecting me or will i still choose to risk falling for this uncontrollable feelings thing.