Cavities. Cavities I filled with poison. Cavities people made on their way out. Cavities I never knew how to satisfy but lied about their existence; pretended they are not there. Massive cavities which I chose to make peace with. Cavities, I walked off their pain. Escape. Run. I can’t. If only, if only it was my choice. I am not a kid anymore, but still, I am. I am a teen now, it’s even worse. I can’t take any more of this. I don’t know where I am, I never knew. With a vanilla candle filling up the air with a smell so good and my headphones on, I’m in the middle of nowhere; life all raw, blank and bare. I don’t know if I can survive this. All of this. Elastic Heart by Sia is playing its sad rhythm to my heart. Why isn’t there a button to click and restart, I want my life so bad. Do I? I am like a rubber band, aren't I? You won’t see me fall apart, no. But I did. My body did, I even had seizures. I am doing everything I can, it’s not enough. It has never been. Screams, I don’t how to get out or where. Life isn’t always fair and square. Three consecutive months of despair and probably still more of it ahead. Life is anticlimactic, mostly traumatic, always drastically dramatic. I am retaining chill, I am a bomb of fear and anger, a combination of the best, pretty soon I am gonna blow up. Breathtaking hypocrisy, time-sucking mind games, projection and ingratitude. It’s always someone's fault. My fault. Their fault. I have always been the convenient scapegoat. The happy loner, the buzz-killer. There is more to what I am being labeled with, and stories behind why I am like this. Confusion. Nervousness. Dread. Ambivalence. I am a pathetic sad-sack packaged with inextricable emotions.
