The Myth of Virginity
Let’s kick off with the basics. What is this 'virginity'?
Virginity has three definitions in the Oxford Dictionary; first is defined as a mode of life characterised by “abstinence from or avoidance of all sexual relations,” second as “the natural or normal condition of an unmarried woman,” and third as the “state of being virgin, fresh, or new with its accompanying virtue of integrity, innocence, and inexperience.” The first definition might be argued as the most accurate and the second and third being somewhat problematic. Linking virginity to unmarried women, specifically calling it the 'normal or natural' condition they should be in is very misogynistic and is a huge reason our society puts a stigma on this, completely overlooking the fact that men can be virgins, too. Yet, them being virgins is something often overlooked and deemed unimportant. On the other hand, linking virginity to 'integrity, innocence, and inexperience' can also be a problem. It suggests that a lack of 'innocence' or being educated about sexual topics and understanding how your body works makes you 'tainted' and should be discouraged. Something as simple as a definition in a dictionary can change the perception of a simple word and warp its meaning into something that could be used to hurt others.
Back to the first definition; it is a mode of life characterised by abstinence from or avoidance of all sexual relations. In other words, it is the state of a person who has never engaged in sexual intercourse. This person could be of any gender, not just a woman. It denotes a lack of sexual experience, yes, but it doesn’t mean the person can’t educate themselves properly about it to avoid physical harm that could arouse later from the lack of knowledge of basic conduct to have a safe and healthy sexual experience with a partner. So far, nothing has been mentioned on how 'virginity' is an actual physical part of our bodies. So where has the notion of breaking a woman’s hymen equating to her losing her virginity emerged from?
The answer lies in people’s warped perception that, for a woman to be a virgin, she has to have something physical to prove it. People can’t just settle with an 'idea' or a 'concept'. There had to be a physical object to equate a woman’s virginity to. Hence, people turned to the first thing they could find to support their theory, and that happened to be the hymen. What is a hymen, you ask? Let me tell you. The hymen is a thin piece of skin that partially covers the entrance to the vagina, the vagina being the place where women usually have sexual intercourse, bleed from during their periods, and where a baby comes out of during natural childbirth, in case you didn’t know. Considering the hymen is a thin piece of skin, it is easy to assume it can be easily stretched and torn. Sexual intercourse can, indeed, stretch or tear the hymen, but it is not the sole reason for that to happen. As a matter of fact, an act as simple as riding a bike or doing sports can cause the hymen to stretch or tear. Having a stretched or torn hymen does not necessarily mean a woman has lost her virginity. There have been cases found by doctors of girls born without a hymen, to begin with, or who have a hymen that is naturally stretched. So, how can we use something that isn’t a common case in all women, something that isn’t a definite truth, to 'measure' whether or not a woman is a virgin?
I’m here to enforce the fact that virginity is not a physical object that can be seen. It’s a concept. It is the fact whether you have engaged in sexual intercourse with another person or not. Which brings us to our next point, isn’t a woman’s virginity different from a man’s virginity? How can it be a general concept, if that was the case? Well, the answer is that there is no real or fundamental difference between the two. As we’ve already discussed, it was just an enforced notion placed on women by a misogynistic society. A man losing his virginity is essentially him participating in any form of sexual intercourse with another person; same as with women! Yet, a woman losing her virginity is very much frowned upon, and the pressures of society force women to have hymen reconstruction surgeries to be 'virgins' again. Surprisingly enough, there have even been instances where men were even encouraged to seek sexual experience through intercourse outside of wedlock.
Another thing I’d like to touch upon is the usage of tampons. For those of you who don’t know, tampons are products designed to absorb blood and vaginal secretions by insertion into the vagina during periods. It is a substitute for pads, the only difference is, you stick it inside the vagina instead of sticking it onto the panty like pads. Both are made out of organic cotton. It is a popular belief that virgin girls cannot use it for fear of losing their virginity. Again, I’d like to stress that this is also a myth. The usage of tampons can make a girl’s life easier during her period in certain cases. Pads are uncomfortable and certain activities like swimming, gymnastics and dancing can be hard to perform when wearing one. Using a tampon instead might make it easier for these girls to carry out their activities. Yet, they are constantly discouraged to use tampons and, in certain cases, they have to hide using them from their families. Again, please know that prioritising your comfort during your period by using tampons does not take away your virginity.
Now, let’s tackle the hardest part of our article, which is the religious aspect of this. Religion is important to us, Egyptians, and that is why we need to talk about virginity from a religious point of view. Pre-marital sex is frowned upon in both Islam and Orthodox Christianity. It is even considered to be one of the biggest sins. It might explain why our society is so particular about finding physical evidence of virginity. That doesn’t justify why women are prosecuted for it when men aren’t. In a recent statement, the House of Fatwa (Dar Al-Iftaa - دار الإفتاء) started a controversy and received a large amount of backlash; the statement revealed that nothing in Al Sharia (الشريعة) has connected the virginity of a woman to her hymen being intact or unstretched. People raged as they considered this an 'invite to commit sin'. This was a statement meant to educate people, yet people still wanted to remain ignorant and follow their outdated and harmful ways. Honestly speaking, if one can’t attest to their daughter’s/sister’s virginity by trusting her judgement and knowing that she knows her values and religion well without the need to 'physically prove it', it goes to show one does not trust their own teachings.
The last thing I’d like to tackle today is the myth of bleeding the first time a girl participates in sexual intercourse as another sign of her virginity. As we’ve said before, the hymen is a thin piece of skin at the entrance of the vagina. Tearing or stretching the hymen might cause a bit of pain or a bit of bleeding, but that’s a possibility, not a definitive fact; it might or might not happen. This uncertainty makes this an obsolete way to physically prove virginity. As a matter of fact, if done right, sex on the first night should not cause bleeding or discomfort to the extent that it hurts a woman. This is yet another myth we need to debunk in our society. For now, know for a fact that bleeding or pain should not be something to expect on your first night of sexual intercourse, whether you’re a man or woman.
I’ll take this chance to reiterate the fact that virginity is a mere concept and not a physical thing. It has no relation to penetration of the vagina; it is related to the fact whether the person has participated in sexual intercourse of any kind with a partner. I hope this article has helped educate people about this sensitive and important subject. More topics will be tackled in upcoming articles in this series. Thank you for reading and stay safe and educated.