KILL AND DESTRUCT, AVENGE AND REVENGE

 I find myself heaving for air, as the memories became clearer in my head and they become like guards locking me up as I am being buried alive.

Suddenly... I am not capable of fighting and all those good thoughts and hardships I faced seem to seize to exist and I am not myself anymore. Instead of only feeling pain, I am having a sense of self-pity that I despise dearly and hatred for myself that I cannot control. 

Some emotions that seem to erupt every time my head and heart are at war among themselves. Tears can’t seem to be the solution this time, as it’s not just the heart, it’s also the mind that is suffering and bringing out this urge of having darkness.

You know what’s even more frustrating? That I don’t just have mood swings, my soul that is a temple is shaking with much force; like it’s gonna get swallowed by the ground.

It seems that every sound and every wrong move anger the aura surrounding the place and its suffering gets transmitted to my own and I feel like someone’s been fighting me for hours while all I did was stare into oblivion and let the collision takes its place.

Order is not just a word; it’s a meaning, it’s a thought, it’s something that rules and sets the boundaries of living. I find peace in the chaos that my mind seems to have, yet I discover all kinds of darkness in places of fear, doubt and uncertainty. Only then order becomes a phenomena and the winners are the demons that roam around, growing in the back of my head like a trauma.

One, two, three, silence. They say counting helps, I say it’s a lie, mate; counting the numbers is a cause for my adrenaline to rise as I wait for lighting to strike. I say it’s the calm before the storm that is my fire that I am not willing to hide, only this time I want it to burn anything in its way.

Mindset then: KILL AND DESTRUCT, AVENGE AND REVENGE