changes.

as years go by, we change gradually. we grow up, we encounter new people, new situations, our character forms with time, this is the nature of us, humans.

but what about abrupt changes? changes caused by situations so traumatic that we wake up the next day with a new character. the good girl is no longer the saint she used to be, the sociable jock is now on the bleachers; people change.

nevertheless, our core will always and forever stay the same. if you’re good at heart, then you’ll always be good, if sports have always made you feel alive then they’ll always be the source of your energy. as drastic as change could be, it never reaches our core because, if it did, then we’d all end up as clones after going through similar experiences, with regards to the differences between everyone’s journey. and this is a story of one of those journeys.

a year ago, there was a girl going through drastic changes in her life. from her academic life and career to her family life and romantic life, even friendships; everything changed. some changed to the better, but most changed to the worst. was any of these changes actually traumatic or was the concentration of these changes in just one year what was traumatic? we’ll never  know. but, what we do know is that, the whole experience was traumatic to her and that caused her to change.

from a normal person; one who only gets stressed when something goes wrong, one who socialises with people in social situations, one who is awkward but still not too awkward, to a broken person; one who is always anxious, one who cannot socialise with people no matter what situation it is, one who is always awkward and feeling uncomfortable. it might not seem like that drastic of a change to you but, compiled with the traumas, these changes just made things worst.

it felt like everything she knew was crumbling, like she was losing control, like there was no hope in life anymore. it all seemed..... dark.

but she persevered, she felt like sh*t and lost hope but she still didn’t give up. she wanted to try her best even though she knew that there was no reward and no nothing waiting for her at the end. that was how she had lived her life all this time; that was her core.

fast forward to today and, although things still haven’t returned to normal, she has returned to normal, maybe even better.

she learnt to adapt, she learnt to make the most out of the good parts of her life. she’s not more sociable than she was before, she still gets stressed out easily but not as much, she’s still awkward but not that awkward, she changed once more.

and even if she still finds difficulty in socialising sometimes and even if her trust issues have went out the roof, she’s still persevering and still holding her ground, she’s still trying her best and doing her best. she’s still her core. she’s still me.