a letter to her
Being quarantined alone really brings out the worst in you, or the best. However, you choose to deal with it. I, as someone who doesn't like being left to his own thoughts, prefer to surround myself with the people I love. Call it a distraction or company, I need it now.
I get up and walk over to my nightstand, taking out a pen and a worn-out paper from the notebook that has been abandoned for a few years now. As I walk back to the terrace, I come across the mirror.
I look at my reflection, long - too long its no more stylish - messy hair and a quite grown ugly beard. Even my nose piercing started to get infected. I hate how this is all going.
Sitting cross-legged on the chair out in the cold, I place the paper and pen on my lap to bring my hair up and tie it into a man-bun. I don't need distractions.
I take a sip from my now cold coffee and let the ink run on this yellow paper as I begin writing this letter to her.
Dear Jane,
Many people are quarantined with their family, friends or lovers right now which's making me a bit jealous to be really honest. I can't help but miss you. I know the last time we facetimed I was a bit harsh when you told me about the new boy you liked, but let's be honest, he was an asshole Jane and we both knew that you deserved better. I won't agree with everything you do just because you're my best friend, you have to know that. Now, for some reason I'm thinking about that time we went grocery shopping in our pajamas at 3 am, all because of your stupid past midnight chocolate cravings of course. I won't deny though that this ended up being my favorite day to ever exist. We did end up watching the sunrise from on top of the hills, gotta love owning a strong ass jeep. You looked so beautiful that day, even though you hated how messy your hair was. In my defense, you didn't see yourself at 5 am as the colors of nature started to mix up with the sun reflecting on your caramel skin and pure brown eyes. I still distinctly remember you looking up at me with this enchanting smile of yours. I still feel the touch of your hand lingering on my arm as you tugged me to the edge of the hill. You were so happy. I was so happy. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't realize my true feelings towards you. I'm sorry I didn't realize that when my heart skipped a beat at our graduation it wasn't because I was nervous, but because of how stunning you looked in that emerald green dress. I'm sorry I didn't realize that I didn't support your decision of dating Caleb not because of how a dick he was, but for how jealous I was. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't realize I was in love with you. However, it's too late now. I don't know why I'm writing you this two years later, but being left alone surrounded by my thoughts all the time broke down the walls I tried to build by moving on. I miss you. I miss you so much it physically hurts. You were not only my best friend, you were the love of my life. I'm sure you felt the same way as feelings this strong can't be one-sided. Hope you forgive me, and hope you're happy.
And I love you. I swear that’s true.
Yours,
Adam.
I notice the wet stains caused by the tears running down my face, yet I fold up the letter anyway and put it inside an envelope. I stare at the envelope for a while before writing down her address. With my heart aching, I pick up the envelope and go outside the apartment and to the one in front of me. My neighbor. I kneel down, stare one last time at the address and slide the envelope inside.
Hope the address is right and she gets my letter.
Jane Sommers
1998 - 2018
Heaven