I'm empty in crowded rooms

Alone in every crowded room, I wonder, is there a way to set the fire to the rain? But little did I know that it was too late to heal the pain. Don't you remember our long calls? Don't you remember our funny times? I just can't imagine how time flies... A wandering glance sparks youth and awakes those hibernating butterflies. Butterflies that give me this sweet numb feeling whenever we're together- a numbness that meditates, that purifies. You don't know how it hurts, to be in the same room but show no signs. My heartbeats slowed instead of racing, my breaths shortened instead of pacing. Now I know I'm terrible at facing nightmares. The ones which were once nonetheless just no-cares. I'm trapped in a fire's scorching flares, but little did I know you will never be there. You once said I betrayed you, but never bothered to unwind the secret. My blood is now anguish with bitter regret. Sometimes you're guilty as well, don't you think? Or is it only me who spills all the ink? "Am I being played, am I a game to you?", you'd bravely say. Well listen my love, I gave up my soul and now it's devoured to die. I'm here, I always am, but now really fed up of my worthless tries. Carved on the walls of my heart, letting go isn't a choice. My weak words unspoken, there's nothing prominent but your mischievous voice. My veins are giving up, strangled by the torturing belief. Now I have nothing left but to melancholy grief. I can not face it no matter what. Every gate in my way is tightly shut. No keys, no locks. No hope no knocks. "Love is an open door", I know. But you always reap what you sow. Drop by drop, my tears are frozen. I fear to say the virtuous was never chosen. My breath floats lifeless, dead. Huh, "never let go", you deeply said. And that's how I abruptly fell. Tell me the words, throw your spell. And again I lie here wondering, why am I always empty in every crowded room?

I'm the victim of doom. I'm the protagonist of gloom.