Volume 1: Unforetold Harassment Stories
As a child, I always thought that sexual harassment is an act that I'll never encounter. I always thought that it's something far from reality and only present in movies in order to intrigue the viewers.
And I didn't believe in fiction.
I was a girl of logic, of black and white. I was a girl who lived in reality, or at least that's how I pictured reality.
Until I grew up and apprehended that the reality that I pictured in my head all my life, was nothing less than a fantasy.
It all started four years ago when I was attending my goalkeeping football training at the club. However, since only a small percentage of girls play football I had to attend the boys' practice. My coach told me to practice with a guy who was at that time 18 years old. He was quite philanthropic and tender-hearted, or at least that's how he pretended to be. One time he asked a simple question on his Instagram story and I just replied to him with a short brief answer as our connection was shallow and formal. We weren't friends but then he started texting me and he didn't seem like he wanted anything more from me but to respond and talk to him. And I did but our talks were short and formal.
Then all of a sudden, his attitude started altering and he started asking me for inappropriate things. He asked me to come over to his house and told me that his family is travelling abroad and so we'll be more comfortable there alone. I refused to do any of the acts that he asked me to do yet he didn't stop nagging about them. He told me to never mention to anyone what he's telling me because people will start labelling me and then I'll be put through so much trouble. I don't remember exactly everything he told me but what I certainly will never forget are the long nights that I stayed crying and the inappropriate pictures that he sent me and asked me to send.
I was naive and nearly had no experience in life to make use of at a time like this. I was helpless and he didn't stop sending me links to improper videos and asking if I enjoy doing things like that. He even had the audacity to ask me to stop wearing unrevealing clothes to football practice so he can check out my body. I couldn't do anything because then problems will start invading my life and my 12 years old self at that time lacked the experience needed in order to handle dilemmas like these. I couldn't also just leave the training at that club because football was the only thing that filled me with extensive merriment and comfort at that time and I couldn't join any other females football training in the other clubs.
I told a good friend of mine about what happened and then she tried to talk him out of it but instead of listening to her, he tried to verbally harass her too. He didn't stop texting me and verbally harassing me until one of her male friends interfered and was able to deal with him. What I remember the most was the way he threatened to hurt me if he ever saw me at the club again. It wasn't a threat told out of rage but, it was full of malice. At that time even my friend's male friend warned me and told me to stop going to the club for as long as I can in order to evade any harm that he's willing to cause me. I had no other choice but to stop going to the club for a long time. I stopped going to the club and quitted football for a whole year.
I spent the following sleepless long nights wondering why did something like that happen to me at an age like that? Why me? I was wondering if I am the one to blame. It put me in the quandary that maybe unconsciously I was asking for it. Maybe it was karma? Maybe I deserved all the fright and despair I had to encounter for 365 days? I was ashamed of myself. It hurt me that from a young age a black dot has been marked in my history. I was hopelessly searching for ways in order to erase this dot from my life. What hurt me more was the fact that I had no other choice but to live with that black dot my whole life. I felt as if I was the one in trouble. At that age, I didn’t recognise that what he did to me was considered sexual harassment.
I felt as if my life was made of paper walls. It felt as if it was easy for it to crumble in any second without me being able to outrage. I felt like what I pictured my whole life as a reality, was, in fact, a lie. At an early age, I realised that we’re not miles away from sexual harassment. We’re only steps away. And sometimes we can only be a step away from a traumatizing experience.
So in the lights of recent events, I am asking you all to speak up. I’ve been there. I know how it hurts and I know how scary it is to speak up about something so traumatizing and painful when you’ve been trying aimlessly to let go of the past.
Yet no matter how painful it is to speak up, the truth can’t be silenced for too long. The truth that I was not the one to blame. The truth that I shouldn’t have felt like I was the one in trouble when in reality he’s the one in trouble. The truth that we just can’t keep putting up with the consequences of their actions.
It almost felt like hell when we’re put through a situation like this. So imagine how will it feel like to stay silent.
My Bestfriend always told me “No matter how small you think your situation is, it is still a valid reason for you to be angered about it and to speak up.”
And so, I am asking you all to speak up.
I see you. I believe you. And I believe in you.