life - the bucket of surprises

Life is nothing but a bucket of surprises. It’s astounding yet appalling how surprises tackle different emotions in one another. I am lost sometimes. We are all lost sometimes. Travelling to the heart, those surprises are never stored in the brain, because seldom are they events, but they are feelings that cloud your vision from what had happened. How can one feel happy with no remembrance why?

I am picturing life as a court and its judge goes on

“Dear you, we request your presence in a lawsuit, either you are the Defendant or the Accused.”

We are defensive of ourselves and we try as much as we can to bear the pain of surprises if they are sad ones, yet not accuse ourselves of the delicacy of our emotions and cling to the unbridled joy and happiness if they’re happy ones.

The flutter of a joyous heart can transmit its soft waves of glee till it reaches one's face, and as the energy lights up the eyes, lifting the corners of the mouth into a smile, it shows a reaction awaited by everyone in the room. Thoughtful, really. When a friend or lover plans something to your tastes and interests, even the tiniest things like your favourite dish, which you mentioned once, but were never forgotten by attentive ears, it sticks with you forever. You remember that birthday surprise party you had two years ago? How thrilling it was and how you had a torrent of enthusiasm and glee flowing throughout your body because you felt loved as if someone did cuddle you with the utmost vibe of warmth you have ever felt in your life.

I know it seems like such a tiny thing to leave such an impact on you, but that surprise did really high-five your heart for a tenth of a second maybe. And such a memory might be great to some yet irks others. They get to remember someone who is no longer there, they get to remember someone they used to be because they changed. Nothing stays the same.

However, the worst surprises carry a different energy to them, because they go to the heart too; only as barbed wires, cutting your insides till it resides with you forever. Stuck, too, only you want it to go. One of life’s saddest surprises is when you’re sitting all alone, reading maybe, having a cup of coffee, meditating or even driving on your way to a specific place and that phone call hits you with sad news.

Now here, we have many scenarios.

“I’m sorry for your loss,”

“We couldn’t do anything about it,”

“I can no longer be part of this relationship,”

“You did not get the job,”

“You failed us.”

“She just couldn’t make it.”

And many more scenarios that harshly surprise us, and if I ever get to portray surprises, I’d say they’re more of a sad poem that builds and makes us feel something. A poem that firmly colonizes your heart with that blend of emotions, whisking sadness with depression, happiness with comfort, love with affection, and pain with discomfort, a political war of emotions it is.

However, you don't know that the surprises we don't want to know are the ones that we will hold on to, because they stir up hatred, shame, regret, or even fear, which we repress heavily, until we believe they are a part of us. On top of our hearts, they squeeze it more and more until it suffocates. Then, we realize that it is our role to let go. It is our choice. When it comes to your heart, you are a saviour.

Living this life, surprises are inevitable and the feelings that come with them are too. Only is the journey back to your normal, where everything is in balance, within your control. Acceptance of the good surprises and bad scares that are a package with the life we live is the way to go.