Exploring Childhood Trauma
trigger warning // abuse
Childhood trauma is one of the most sensitive topics to discuss, yet one of the most important. None of us likes to dig deep into our past because it's always painful. Most of us were traumatised as children and, as we grow old, we think we've moved past it but, in fact, we have not.
Let's have this crucial conversation together, and dig deep into the types, effects, and ways to cope with childhood trauma.
To understand childhood trauma, we need to know the possible scenarios in which a child can be traumatised;
Physical Abuse: when authority figures do not use their authority wisely but, instead, children suffer from cuts, bruises, scratches, burns, broken bones, or loss of consciousness caused by physical abuse, as the adults think they are teaching their kids a lesson but, in reality, they are leaving permanent scars on both their memories, and bodies.
Emotional Abuse: it is not as visually apparent as physical abuse because, in this scenario, the abuser hurts a child's dignity or psychological integrity.
Emotional Negligence: where the abuser doesn't give the child the affection needed and their memories of childhood may revolve around feeling left out, or not having their basic needs met.
Sexual Abuse: trauma caused by sexual assault occurred if a child was subjected to inappropriate touching or sexual activity from a caregiver or adult.
Physical Negligence: if the caregiver fails to provide a child with the physical resources needed while growing.
Loss of Caregiver: When a child loses their parent or caregiver, the effects can be devastating.
And, as we experience such traumas, we evolve and grow differently, and those events leave lifelong impacts on our minds.
Effects of Childhood Trauma on Adults:
Damage to the Self: childhood trauma shapes one's self-image in a malformed way; as it has been shaped through the traumatising experiences, and within toxic environments.
Thinking of Oneself as a Victim: if one has experienced childhood trauma, one may have thought of the reason this has happened to them, maybe even felt like it was some sort of a curse or a punishment for them.
Passive-Aggressive Behavior: people who have experienced childhood trauma tend to express their hidden built-up anger in a passive-aggressive way, like using sarcasm or violence, because they find it hard to open up and talk about their anger.
Self-Abandonment: that's when the person traumatised person ignores themself in an attempt to 'keep the peace.' They keep their needs unfulfilled and opinions unexpressed as they pretend to be okay with everything.
Poor Emotional Regulation: adults who have been through childhood trauma suffer to recognize and deal with emotions.
Poor Behavioral Control: people with childhood trauma may become impulsive when they grow up, as they would likely do what they want, and not care about the consequences.
Now let's see how we can heal as adults in 9 steps;
1. Ground It: find a quiet place where you won’t be disturbed. Sit comfortably with your eyes closed, and take several deep breaths, bringing your awareness to your body. Squeeze and release your muscles, and feel the heaviness leave your body. Let yourself feel connected to the ground under you.
2. Recall It: think of what has happened, find something that provoked a mild-to-strong emotional reaction from you, or that would have if you didn’t feel emotionally numb. Review what happened in as much detail as possible, and imagine yourself back in that time and place. When emotions begin to arise, go to the next step.
3. Sense It: now, mentally scan your body for any sensations. I call this process 'percolating' because of the way your emotions will stir and bubble up inside you. Observe any physical response you experience — tingling, tightness, burning, etc. Each of these sensations is a bit of information you need to understand your experience. Explore these sensations, and silently describe them to yourself in as much detail as you can. Once you’ve explored and described all of your physical reactions, you can move on to step 4.
4. Name It: associate an emotion with each of the sensations you feel. Is the tightness in your chest anxiety? Is the heat you feel travelling up your body anger? It’s important to recognize the often subtle distinctions between sometimes similar emotions. This will give you a greater sense of your experience and a richer knowledge of yourself.
5. Love It: as part of a mindful approach to healing from trauma, we need to fully accept everything that we feel. Whether it’s true to your conscious mind at this moment or not, say, “I love myself for feeling (angry, sad, anxious, etc.).” Do this with every emotion you feel, especially the tougher ones. Embrace your humanness, and love yourself for it.
6. Feel and Experience It: sit with your emotions and sensations, letting the feelings percolate and flow. Don’t try to change or hide them; observe them. Acknowledge and welcome any discomfort you feel, knowing it will be gone soon and will help you heal. Let your body respond the way it wants or needs to. If you feel the urge to cry, cry. If you feel the need to yell something or punch something, you should yell at or punch the air. Expressing your emotions — in a healthy way — is key to fully process them. When you’ve fully felt and experienced your emotions, move on to Step 7.
7. Receive Its Message and Wisdom: do the sensations or emotions you’re experiencing right now connect with one or more experiences in your past? Do they give you an insight into the root of the trauma or a negative, limiting belief about yourself? Right now, you might be thinking, “I’m not getting anything.” Ask yourself: “If this sensation or emotion was going to say something to me, what would it be?” If you still have trouble, do some free writing. Journal about what the feeling means for a full 10 minutes without stopping. When you think you’ve heard all the messages your emotions are sending you, move on to the next step.
8. Share It: if you feel comfortable sharing your reflections with someone else, do that. Otherwise, write about them on your own. Describe what happened when the wounding incident first occurred, how you reacted at the time, and what you’ve come to see about it now. Talking about or writing down your experiences and emotions is an important step in healing. Writing letters (but not sending them) to those who hurt you can be a very effective method for getting an emotion out of your system.
Once you’ve shared your reflections...
9. Let It Go: visualise the energy your trauma took up inside you leaving your body or perform a ritual of physical releases, like (safely) burning a letter you’ve written to the person who hurt you, or casting off the trauma in the form of an object into the sea. During the period of repentance, many Jews cast off their sins into a natural, flowing body of water in the form of breadcrumbs. Instead of sins, you can cast off traumas, and the emotions and sensations that go with them.
Please feel free to share your experience with us and how you have dealt with it.
Resources: Psychology today - Better Help