Angry Thoughts

Everything is organized, everything is put in a system that can’t be broken, all planets rotate in orbits, and their moons also revolve in other orbits around them. Electrons too move in orbitals around the nucleus; it’s a system that is applied to either the greatest masses or smallest particles that can’t be seen by the naked eye.

Starting from a point, after a full cycle, the body reaches the same point, even human, he begins his life as a weak toddler then turns to be a kid, a teenager, a strong young adult, and finally a weak old person with a wrinkled face and grey hair, which mostly happens after sixty, or maybe seventy cycles, from weakness to weakness.

Then why am I feeling lost? Isn’t 1+1=2? Life seemed to be more subtle than Maths, less fair as well. I’m not complaining, but allow me to share my feelings, I feel terrible these days, my thoughts might appear disorganized, you could assume it's my way to rebel against the system.

I’m an angry minotaur running in his eternal labyrinth, a maze that I can’t escape from, I can’t even see its borders, I’m way too far from what I need, do I precisely know what I need?

Is it love? everybody needs to love and feel loved, but it lasts for a very short period of time, the biochemistry controlling my hormones will do its role for a while, then it vanishes, am I pessimistic? I’m just being realistic, someone who looks at everything as they are without filters, simultaneously I confess I couldn’t understand how a Venus citizen actually thinks.

l’argent? I can’t deny it’s the tool that helps us live well, but it can’t buy all things in the world, sure it could possess any physical materials but can’t buy feelings like gratitude, safe, peace, and happiness. Money could be a tool but it never becomes a goal.

Career? I think it’s my aim now, it’s what I need to develop, I’m facing a struggle inside my head and outside it, my thoughts are killing me too. Why is everything not moving as it should in my life? What are the weaknesses that I should work on? Am I bad? I make a lot of effort, however, it turns into ashes blown by the wind at the end of each day.

I look at the mirror, I’m fading gradually, one day I’d be transparent, invisible, unseen by everyone. I’m losing control for a while, but I can’t find the reason why I left the wheel for life to handle, I’m the captain here, but life can’t hear me, she just keeps smiling, moving the wheel to hit my day at an iceberg, neither Rose nor Jack are on my day, just me.

Like a battery that needs to be charged, like a lamp which is about to go down, I’m a young man with a very old soul, nearly a thousand years old.

I can hear my heart beats easily, my heart is getting mad like me, I think I made my blood rebel and it reversed its circulation, everything turned to be reversed in my eyes, even the people in the streets are walking backwards, the clock is moving in the opposite direction, did you watch “The curious case of Benjamin Button?” It’s a great movie by the way.

I need a vacation, a retirement, call it as you wish, I hope I could travel to all countries in the world, knowing other cultures, religions, and beliefs that I didn’t hear about before, a wish that I hope to be achieved soon.

I can’t define myself as an introvert or extrovert, I could be one with some people and the other with others, it’s complicated as it depends on many factors rely on me as my mood, the environment, and the people themselves.

I think that a human is the most honest creature when he’s alone, otherwise, when another human appears in the room, the fight begins, I don’t mean a fight with hands, it could be a fight with tongues or even eyes, we always create something that two people or more fight about to determine who the winner is, there should always be a winner, but if you concentrated on the scene, you’d find that everybody had lost.

I’m an electron that needs to get free, why am I writing then? I told you before, it’s a way through which I could express my anger.


Do you believe in second chances? When it comes to me, I always believe in them, it’s a reason for living, a mindset that convinces me with her sweet whisper; “everything is gonna be alright.”